With each unanswered prayer, each failure to find a cure, I felt farther and farther from God. All these were attempts to "overcome" my homosexuality, as if it were somehow as changeable as a preference for rocky road ice cream. I even confessed my "sin" to the church elders and asked them to anoint me. The church narrative on sexuality kept me deeply closeted throughout our marriage. ![]() I felt I was a wretched sinner and had to gain the victory over my gayness. For 28 years, we stayed together as I wrestled with the belief that God did not love me. We believed the lie that I could change, so we got engaged and eventually married. She said everybody struggles with something and that she loved me unconditionally, regardless of my particular battle. I met a lovely girl, and we talked seriously about marriage. In college, I convinced myself I would get married to a woman and pray hard. Faced with what I believed was deep moral brokenness, I tried everything to change. A high school counselor solidified my belief that I was broken when they told me I couldn't be a Christian and be gay. When my mother discovered these "unnatural desires," she sternly lectured me. ![]() I remember being attracted to men as early as three years old.
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